Fall on Me

Fall is here, the trees are getting naked and everybody is dressing layers. I’ve noticed that the when the temperature drops, especially here in Albuquerque single people usually cling to whatever romantic prospect hovers closest to them. It makes complete sense really, It’s better to have a warm body next to you on cold nights. It’s nice to feel combine body temperatures with another person and create a warm caccoon of bed that is immune to the earth’s actual climate. Another person’s body is a luxury, but in all honesty as nice it would be, I feel like it’s a luxury I could live without. I don’t mind spending cold nights by myself. I remember a time when I felt lonely and I felt the empty space in my bed next to me was some sort of personal void.

I’m past that, maybe it’s been years of telling myself that I don’t need anyone and at some point I actually began to believe myself. I think that the truth is, I actually feel quite empowered to be emotionally independent, I feel an immense degree of satisfaction knowing that I can go wherever I want whenever I want with whoever I want without having to explain myself. I like the that I can ask out several girls all at once to the same event and pick which one I want to be with based on the responses I get. I like the idea that I may end up going to the event by myself and have opportunity of meeting someone else. Friend or lover. Seriously, being single is vastly underrated .

I hung out with a girl last night. We shared a pot of tea and went for a walk till we found a tranquil setting where we could just talk and enjoy each other’s company. I must admit I felt a little soft in this woman’s presence. For as much bitterness as I harbor for the female species once in a while, one will come along and remind me that intimacy can be quite nice. I will hang out with this girl more and things will develop or they will stay the same and I’m okay with either possibility. I’m happy that it’s fall. I’m happy to be independent. I’m happy it’s fall and I can wear sweaters and drink tea at anytime. I’m happy that I have surrounded myself with good friends. I’m happy that for whatever reason I have several beautiful women wanting to spend some of these cold nights with me. I’m happy I can walk around in the cold and get lost in the sounds of Neil Young and Galaxie 500, Silver Jews, Kurt Vile and Califone and listen to their guitars guide the crunchy leaves to the ground where they rest next cigarette butts from the mouths of people falling in and out of love.

Music can be as warm as a woman but sometimes the two go very well together. Bring on the fall

LOVE

I've noticed recently that many people I know are lonely,depressed, unssatisfied or all of the above. These feeling usually stem from the fact that they are painfully single or in a relation, where thier heart is being gradualy broken over time.

In response to these feeling, I thought I'd sort some shit out for them. No doubt we all experience these feelings from time to time. Here's a cut and dry breakdown of your flawed thinking.

Theses large brains, let's face it they're doing us no good. Humans are fundamentally impractical little creatures. Unfortunately, part of being impractical means being selfish. It's true, we are all inherently selfish. Very, very few of us are donating money to charity or volunteering in soup kitchens. I'm no different, I don't do these things. I think they are indeed, noble gestures, but I feel the best thing I can do for humanity is increase my own personal station- this may entail doing good things for my health or heaven forbid, bringing my brilliant babies into this shitty world. Even if I committed my life to helping the less fortunate, I would still be poor and disadvantage and so would they.

(sorry, world)

All things considered, there really are only two types of human relationships. Altruistic, meaning you do things for the benefit of someone else and selfish…meaning just that, looking out for number one. In terms of romantic relationships, they can only be selfish.

To love is to be selfish, there is no such thing as altruistic love. A beautiful woman will not date, marry or fuck a fat, unattractive and stupid man because he needs her. Likewise, a man is not likely to look at a fat, unattractive and stupid woman, and say to himself "Poor thing, If I don't marry her, no one else will." And if for whatever reason they actually entertained such a thought . It wouldn't be love.

Love is a feeling. When you are in love you feel good. Love is a perfect drug. It's a free high created by your own brain that exist for the soul purpose of facilitating sex, pair bonding and raising children in a stable family. In a healthy relationship (even before actual 'love') you stay in it because it benefits YOU (sex, money, stability, she has a car, gives you a feeling) and she stays in it because it benefits HER (sex, money, stability, you have a car, you give her a feeling.) Simple reasoning, right?

Once a relationship like this fully blossoms, and becomes "mature" it begins coasting on this feeling that I believe Elvis, ( or was it Brian Setzer?) at one point dubbed "a crazy little thing called love." Love aka, that "perfect drug." Which may or may not been first dubbed by Trent Reznor. Never has someone written a song that goes "I got a girl, she drives me places. / I got a girl, she bought me something expenisve. / I got a girl, she gives great head." outside of gangsta rap (and society villifies these rappers because they discount 'love' aka the greatest drug in the world.)

So how does any of this apply to you? Well if you've ever been in love with someonel who didn't love you back, it was a a specific kind of fucked up gut-wrenching feeling, like somebody had stepped on your heart. Maybe he or she never wanted you, maybe he or she wanted you for awhile and they decided that they didn't . The beauty of it is that this feeling you had was is NOT love, because the definition of love is a GOOD feeling. You're experiencing one or both of two things.

a) withdrawl,s you were in love and now your brain isn't giving you those nicedrugs, so you feel shitty
b) You're horny, and you wanna fuck but society has hyped love and shoved concepts such as "soul mates" and "crimes of passion" down your throat.. You know you want something, so you think and assume that it's love.

If you are in this mental state that you call love, and you say "I'm crazy about this person or , why don't they love me back! They are tearing my guts out I HATE them I LOVE them I HATE them I LOVE them!" you need to step out of your self . This person does not exist to complete your life, they only lives in service of themSELF and so do you, so does everybody. And they are worthless to you now because they make you feel BAD and what is the point of that? You don't want them, you want the FEELING that you believe they will create. There are lots of people who will give you that feeling if you give them a tiny chance.

The point:

People stay in all relationships because of direct personal benefits.
If you aren't benefiting from a relationship you're missing the point.
Love is a feeling, a drug that is free and readily available

All things aside, I myself used this word many times in may contexts ranging from telling a girlfriend that I loved her in an intimate moment to saying that I loved with a sandwich, that may or may not have been as tasty as I made it up to be, as I may have just incredibly hungry having skipped a meal or something, I've also said that I love, weed, The Clash, comic books, tacos, my guitar, the rain, a t-shirt I found in the trash, a girl,cookies, another girl, Dr. Dre, Woody Allen, the smell of Play-Doh ,my parents, my sister ,sleeping , baths, anything free,England, Sweaters, David Bowie, Tums, the list goes on infinitely.

As you can see, most of time when I use this word it's pretty benign. With that said, I love sitting in my underwear and writing insipid little musings.

Keep on rockin in the free world.