Being here is nice. It gets me in touch with a yearning for stability. Stability is pretty illusive to me. Sometimes i feel like it's just right around the corner and other times i feel like its mostly unattainable. I look foreword to the time in my life where there won't be strange stains on my wall from leaks in the ceilings that deadbeat slumlords refuse to fix. I look foreword to a time where my fridge will be stocked with healthy food and sink will only have a few dirty dishes in it.I look forword to having fat lazy cats lounging on my well designed matching furniture.
But at the moment, I must confess that I am happy despite my lack of stability. I'm not ready to give up aimless nights of successive parties. Mingling with random people and developing shallow acquaintanceships. I like entertaining cheap party girls once in a while, I can't deny it. I'm not ready to give up getting high and talking shit with my friends until 4 am in the morning and the late morning early afternoon coffee sessions that follow. I must admit at the moment. I love this lifestyle.
It is strange growing up and watching your friend grow up. Watching them transition slowly into the more stable lifestyle your just not ready for. The steady girlfriend, the "real world" job that pays well, the closet full of suits. The boring dinner parties and the early bed times.
It's bound to happen eventually, or not. I can still choose a nihilistic and hedonistic lifestyle and chances are no one would stop me. It might be something that makes me happier then my "stable" friends. Of course, just as easily the opposite is also possible.
I'm not worried about it. I'll leave it up to fate and drift foreword and go with flow. I have a good head on my shoulders and things will turn out exactly as they should.
